I am frusterated. There it is, three simple words that sums up everything I am feeling at the moment. the only problem is that I don't know that I can put words to the reason(s) why I am frustrated that would do that/those reason(s) justice. I guess I might as well try.

This is what I have been thinking about lately. Am I who I say I am? And that question invariably calls up the question, Am I who I think I am? No, I don't believe I am.

I walk around claiming to be a follower of Christ. But everyday it seems I turn my back on Him in some way. And as if that wasn't bad enough, afterwards I really desire to feel His arms around me or feel His hand on my back and have Him tell me its alright. And the worst part is... He does!!! He forgives me, everytime I come crawling back to Him, He forgives me, and gives me a hug, and tells me its alright. He knows I will probably turn my back on Him again, but He still takes me back. I don't understand that. I guess that is what you call grace.

-Art

The profundities of life come during the most unanticipated moments. This is what I learned today, brilliance is simple. No, I am not saying that it is easy to be brilliant, though maybe it is for all I know. I am saying that the truely brilliant things ever done or concieved are truely plain and simple. They are the "why didn't I think of it" moments.

Here is an example. God made Adam,it was good, Adam was lonely, lonliness was not good, God made Eve, BRILLIANT!! It is so plain, and so simple, it was Brilliant.

So how does this relate to me... I was sitting alone in the shop wishing I had someone to talk to. I decided to go to Brooks pharmacy to get some food. I asked the girl at the counter how she was doing today. She told me all about how tired she was cause she had to get up at 6:30 and she won't get to sleep when she gets home cause she has to watch her brother and sister cause her mom is going into the hospital. All this said to a complete stranger. However, I felt better cause I had a conversation, I felt useful. And I imagine she felt better cause someone would listen to her. Outcome, two people feeling better.

Brilliant!
The simple things always are.

- Art

Money talks... or so the saying goes. I think it is true. I know that in my life I am always in constant communication or argument with money. It has become a driving force in the world. It is a necessary evil. We have the ability to make it work for us, or we can end up working for it. The question is at what point are we using it and at what point does it start using us.

One would think that such opposite ends of the spectrum would run so very far from each other, creating an easily recognized and distinguishable point of beginning and ending. However that is just not the case. It is a fine line before you start to work for money.

I wouldn't say I have ever been wealthy. I have known before the suffocating feeling the lack of financial stability can bring. But then, though I am considered to fall below the poverty level for a single white male in VT, I am able to look around and recognize that for a "poor" guy, I am doing pretty well. So, being not wealthy, I am drawn to a desire to experiencing the freedoms we are told we will have when we are financially stable. And yet, not being poor, I haven't entirely grown to appreciate the things I do have.

So where does this all come from? Well, I have been trying to decide as of late what I am going to do as far as a job is considered in the coming months or years. I presently have a choice in front of me. I can become the Manager of Hosaku, the place I am working now, or I can become manager and business partner in a new Nextel store opening up. Take those things and toss in the added fact that I am currently working on my own start up company by the name of Amp'd Ink, and you have a big potential mess. Nextel is sure to offer me more money and benefits right now, however hours might be longer. In the long run it will also offer me money in the form of securities, if it does well, I do well. However, the whole while, I would still be working for a corporation. I want to be my own boss by starting something new, which I am doing. Ahh, here is another twist. I can work on my business at both locations. I like Hosaku, that is the only thing it really has going for it. So therefore it seems rather plain, there is an obvious choice. Why, then, am I here complaining of lack of direction. Cause I am confused, that is why.

Am I making my money work for me, or am I working for money if I take the obvious choice? Or, is this what God has for me? Or, are both choices equally valid and God is just going to make me choose?

How I wish that these things could be easier...

-Art