For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks...

Listen good for my heart is gushing forth with emotion and I can no longer contain what spills from my lips. I am so desprately torn apart in a furry of emotion. I feel as if I am loosing a friend, I am losing a friend.

When Christ spoke those words he was speaking of evil, but I believe they ring true in all occasions. My heart is bursting with tears and fear. I am crying deep in my soul for a friend/ a brother, who has walked away from his Father and Creator. He is full of anger and I sense even some hate in his voice and actions. I am scared to lose him, I am scared to see him struggling like this, and I am even more scared to become him. I take that last phrase back, I don't believe I could ever lose my faith in God, I have come to depend on him so much. What I am truely scared of is the fact that it is even possible to lose such faith.

I love God so much, he has blessed me so greatly, I am growing daily in my faith and learning more and more about the one who loves me. I don't understand how someones faith could be so shaken to turn away from such a loving and caring God. Only through a great deception can I imagine this to be possible. I think I have just become aware that Satan does exist.

I always knew Satan existed, but I think I treated his existence like one treats a figure in a history book. Real, but not someone I would ever have to cross or meet. I was so wrong. This here is a real enemy, really here, really standing over my shoulder, really a threat... There is a saying that suggest the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. There is alot of truth to that, but there is a second trick equally as good, that is convincing those that believe he exists that he is not a threat. I fell prey to this for too long.

My friend and brother knew God and still heard the lies and walked away from God. The only way to protect yourself is to do more than know God, but know him fully, follow him closely, love him dearly and seek his protection. Christ is the only one that can save us and it is only in his strenght that we can do anything. If you thought a title was enough to protect you I want you to know that a title does you little good against one so clever as Satan, intimacy is your protection. Intimacy with the Father.

Dear God hear me cry in my soul for my brother
know the love I have for him and bring him home
seek him with all you are and awaken his heart again
Protect him, protect me, and protect those that seek to know you
Amen

-Art

Who would have ever thought that I could be dealt such a blow that would leave me disoriented for days. One moment is all it took to let those words drop.

A friend of mine told me that he is walking away from his faith, from God. I don't understand that. But somehow I am affected by it. I never expected anyone to say that to me, and I never expected I would be hurt by such things.

If I am hurting like this I can't imagine how God must feel. The tears of the father must be like death.

Im sorry if I ever caused you pain.

-Art

I will cry for you
cause I don't understand
how you could just walk away like that

I will cry for you
like I cried for no one else
you put your faith on the shelf

I will cry for you
do you know how much I care
but it won't stop there

I will cry for you
until you walk back through the door
and then I will cry some more

-Art

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
-- Theodore Roosevelt

I think I have read this quote before. Lets rephrase that, I KNOW I have read this quote before. And I have always found it to be a very encouraging piece of wisdom. It is absolutely incredible.

Presently I am seeking to follow some of my own dreams, and I am hoping to strive valiantly and spend myself for some worthy cause. However there has always been a certain amount of hesitation, it is the error and shortcomings and failings that scare me just enough to keep my feet from running when I hit the ground. Well, I don't want to hesitate anymore. I will be afraid, and I will love it. I want to feel my heart pounding in uncertainty, to feel my blood run hot with large doses of adrenaline. I want to know great enthusiasms, and great devotion.

I have often talked about traveling around this country and visting new places and revisiting old places and reminding myself of just how big God is and just where I fit in everything. I wanted initially to do this with my best friend from high school, and we talked about it often. He is married now, I don't think it is on his radar anymore. But I am not done with the dream yet. So I will go with my bandmate, roomate, and friend. I final independant adventure before a lifetime relationship adventure with many adventures along the way.

I have always wanted to do this, just like I have always wanted to start a band and run my own business. I have done two of those things, I just have this one left. Don't worry, I have plenty more dreams to chase after this, but I think the timing is right for this one. I have always wanted to do it, that should be enough reason.

Im sure there will be more of this to come. Keep checking and I'll keep posting.

-Art

I am frusterated. There it is, three simple words that sums up everything I am feeling at the moment. the only problem is that I don't know that I can put words to the reason(s) why I am frustrated that would do that/those reason(s) justice. I guess I might as well try.

This is what I have been thinking about lately. Am I who I say I am? And that question invariably calls up the question, Am I who I think I am? No, I don't believe I am.

I walk around claiming to be a follower of Christ. But everyday it seems I turn my back on Him in some way. And as if that wasn't bad enough, afterwards I really desire to feel His arms around me or feel His hand on my back and have Him tell me its alright. And the worst part is... He does!!! He forgives me, everytime I come crawling back to Him, He forgives me, and gives me a hug, and tells me its alright. He knows I will probably turn my back on Him again, but He still takes me back. I don't understand that. I guess that is what you call grace.

-Art

The profundities of life come during the most unanticipated moments. This is what I learned today, brilliance is simple. No, I am not saying that it is easy to be brilliant, though maybe it is for all I know. I am saying that the truely brilliant things ever done or concieved are truely plain and simple. They are the "why didn't I think of it" moments.

Here is an example. God made Adam,it was good, Adam was lonely, lonliness was not good, God made Eve, BRILLIANT!! It is so plain, and so simple, it was Brilliant.

So how does this relate to me... I was sitting alone in the shop wishing I had someone to talk to. I decided to go to Brooks pharmacy to get some food. I asked the girl at the counter how she was doing today. She told me all about how tired she was cause she had to get up at 6:30 and she won't get to sleep when she gets home cause she has to watch her brother and sister cause her mom is going into the hospital. All this said to a complete stranger. However, I felt better cause I had a conversation, I felt useful. And I imagine she felt better cause someone would listen to her. Outcome, two people feeling better.

Brilliant!
The simple things always are.

- Art

Money talks... or so the saying goes. I think it is true. I know that in my life I am always in constant communication or argument with money. It has become a driving force in the world. It is a necessary evil. We have the ability to make it work for us, or we can end up working for it. The question is at what point are we using it and at what point does it start using us.

One would think that such opposite ends of the spectrum would run so very far from each other, creating an easily recognized and distinguishable point of beginning and ending. However that is just not the case. It is a fine line before you start to work for money.

I wouldn't say I have ever been wealthy. I have known before the suffocating feeling the lack of financial stability can bring. But then, though I am considered to fall below the poverty level for a single white male in VT, I am able to look around and recognize that for a "poor" guy, I am doing pretty well. So, being not wealthy, I am drawn to a desire to experiencing the freedoms we are told we will have when we are financially stable. And yet, not being poor, I haven't entirely grown to appreciate the things I do have.

So where does this all come from? Well, I have been trying to decide as of late what I am going to do as far as a job is considered in the coming months or years. I presently have a choice in front of me. I can become the Manager of Hosaku, the place I am working now, or I can become manager and business partner in a new Nextel store opening up. Take those things and toss in the added fact that I am currently working on my own start up company by the name of Amp'd Ink, and you have a big potential mess. Nextel is sure to offer me more money and benefits right now, however hours might be longer. In the long run it will also offer me money in the form of securities, if it does well, I do well. However, the whole while, I would still be working for a corporation. I want to be my own boss by starting something new, which I am doing. Ahh, here is another twist. I can work on my business at both locations. I like Hosaku, that is the only thing it really has going for it. So therefore it seems rather plain, there is an obvious choice. Why, then, am I here complaining of lack of direction. Cause I am confused, that is why.

Am I making my money work for me, or am I working for money if I take the obvious choice? Or, is this what God has for me? Or, are both choices equally valid and God is just going to make me choose?

How I wish that these things could be easier...

-Art