"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
-- Theodore Roosevelt

I think I have read this quote before. Lets rephrase that, I KNOW I have read this quote before. And I have always found it to be a very encouraging piece of wisdom. It is absolutely incredible.

Presently I am seeking to follow some of my own dreams, and I am hoping to strive valiantly and spend myself for some worthy cause. However there has always been a certain amount of hesitation, it is the error and shortcomings and failings that scare me just enough to keep my feet from running when I hit the ground. Well, I don't want to hesitate anymore. I will be afraid, and I will love it. I want to feel my heart pounding in uncertainty, to feel my blood run hot with large doses of adrenaline. I want to know great enthusiasms, and great devotion.

I have often talked about traveling around this country and visting new places and revisiting old places and reminding myself of just how big God is and just where I fit in everything. I wanted initially to do this with my best friend from high school, and we talked about it often. He is married now, I don't think it is on his radar anymore. But I am not done with the dream yet. So I will go with my bandmate, roomate, and friend. I final independant adventure before a lifetime relationship adventure with many adventures along the way.

I have always wanted to do this, just like I have always wanted to start a band and run my own business. I have done two of those things, I just have this one left. Don't worry, I have plenty more dreams to chase after this, but I think the timing is right for this one. I have always wanted to do it, that should be enough reason.

Im sure there will be more of this to come. Keep checking and I'll keep posting.

-Art

I am frusterated. There it is, three simple words that sums up everything I am feeling at the moment. the only problem is that I don't know that I can put words to the reason(s) why I am frustrated that would do that/those reason(s) justice. I guess I might as well try.

This is what I have been thinking about lately. Am I who I say I am? And that question invariably calls up the question, Am I who I think I am? No, I don't believe I am.

I walk around claiming to be a follower of Christ. But everyday it seems I turn my back on Him in some way. And as if that wasn't bad enough, afterwards I really desire to feel His arms around me or feel His hand on my back and have Him tell me its alright. And the worst part is... He does!!! He forgives me, everytime I come crawling back to Him, He forgives me, and gives me a hug, and tells me its alright. He knows I will probably turn my back on Him again, but He still takes me back. I don't understand that. I guess that is what you call grace.

-Art

The profundities of life come during the most unanticipated moments. This is what I learned today, brilliance is simple. No, I am not saying that it is easy to be brilliant, though maybe it is for all I know. I am saying that the truely brilliant things ever done or concieved are truely plain and simple. They are the "why didn't I think of it" moments.

Here is an example. God made Adam,it was good, Adam was lonely, lonliness was not good, God made Eve, BRILLIANT!! It is so plain, and so simple, it was Brilliant.

So how does this relate to me... I was sitting alone in the shop wishing I had someone to talk to. I decided to go to Brooks pharmacy to get some food. I asked the girl at the counter how she was doing today. She told me all about how tired she was cause she had to get up at 6:30 and she won't get to sleep when she gets home cause she has to watch her brother and sister cause her mom is going into the hospital. All this said to a complete stranger. However, I felt better cause I had a conversation, I felt useful. And I imagine she felt better cause someone would listen to her. Outcome, two people feeling better.

Brilliant!
The simple things always are.

- Art

Money talks... or so the saying goes. I think it is true. I know that in my life I am always in constant communication or argument with money. It has become a driving force in the world. It is a necessary evil. We have the ability to make it work for us, or we can end up working for it. The question is at what point are we using it and at what point does it start using us.

One would think that such opposite ends of the spectrum would run so very far from each other, creating an easily recognized and distinguishable point of beginning and ending. However that is just not the case. It is a fine line before you start to work for money.

I wouldn't say I have ever been wealthy. I have known before the suffocating feeling the lack of financial stability can bring. But then, though I am considered to fall below the poverty level for a single white male in VT, I am able to look around and recognize that for a "poor" guy, I am doing pretty well. So, being not wealthy, I am drawn to a desire to experiencing the freedoms we are told we will have when we are financially stable. And yet, not being poor, I haven't entirely grown to appreciate the things I do have.

So where does this all come from? Well, I have been trying to decide as of late what I am going to do as far as a job is considered in the coming months or years. I presently have a choice in front of me. I can become the Manager of Hosaku, the place I am working now, or I can become manager and business partner in a new Nextel store opening up. Take those things and toss in the added fact that I am currently working on my own start up company by the name of Amp'd Ink, and you have a big potential mess. Nextel is sure to offer me more money and benefits right now, however hours might be longer. In the long run it will also offer me money in the form of securities, if it does well, I do well. However, the whole while, I would still be working for a corporation. I want to be my own boss by starting something new, which I am doing. Ahh, here is another twist. I can work on my business at both locations. I like Hosaku, that is the only thing it really has going for it. So therefore it seems rather plain, there is an obvious choice. Why, then, am I here complaining of lack of direction. Cause I am confused, that is why.

Am I making my money work for me, or am I working for money if I take the obvious choice? Or, is this what God has for me? Or, are both choices equally valid and God is just going to make me choose?

How I wish that these things could be easier...

-Art

A thought, or an idea, like a pinprick of light, has been kneeding its way into my head for some time now. The idea is real spirituality. Though I am not sure I know fully what it is, it smacks of magic, but greater than illusion. Alchemey that goes deeper than the lead to gold images that word draws up. It is a life that has been forgotten, but not fogotten to the point of extinction. I want to remember this beyond magic.

It was something promised to us by Christ. He sent us a helper, his Spirit, the Holy Spirit, that we might do greater things than Christ did while he walked this earth. MEN WERE HEALED FROM THE FALLING OF A SHADOW OF THE DISCIPLES!! What have we done, I haven't even seen such things, but inside of me I desire to be apart of that greatness. I want to feel the glory of God surging through me. I want to be more than I am, how do I open up and let God's Spirit work in me. It is a struggle so deep that it moves beyond this physical world.

It is mans connection with nature, the living creation of our God. There is a connection. It is there where our heart resonates with the characters in epic tales, fighting with a strength deeper inside of them then we understand. It is on in the Middle Earth before the modern world. It is in the Deep Heaven which we stare at in wonder and awe. It is in the small we try to understand and the great we have not yet discovered. There is an undeniable longing and urgency that we all feel when alone in the booming silence of nature.

Some of us entertain the questions ontop of questions to rationalize our lack of answers. It helps us to deaden the longings we don't want to accept. It is like being blind in the woods, and you can hear the sounds of the road. The horses troting and men walking. But you trip and stummble in your search for the way back to the path. You can smell it, and it is so close it hurts. And so to kill the pain softly you sit, and you say the road can't exsist because you can't find it. You hope that will alleviate the fact that you can still sense it. But for all your atempts to kill your awareness, you still hear it, you still long for it.

I long for that intimacy with God. I want to feel Him course through my viens. That beyond magic. The real spirituality. Somehow I have to get up from my forest and find the road.

-Art

I don' t know that there is any particular reason that I should be back here writing. The one comment I received on my last post said nothing more than "blah, blah, blah". That isn't all together encouraging. But let it be known here and now, I am not complaining. I just discovered that I like writing just for me. If someone else reads it then wonderful, I love that. However, I enjoy going back and reading what I wrote from time to time. Therefore, I will keep writing for days in the future when I desire to read my thoughts.

Well, Im not sure that there is a whole lot of point to that paragraph, but it is written and it is staying.

One comment left for this post. I'm tired!!!!

-Art

Wow, talk about a long time between posts, what is that... nearly a month? Woah, I need to post more often. It certainly isn't due to lack of things to say, I always have something I can say. Only the question remains, does anyone want to hear it? I guess that is a good question which I still haven't entirely found the answer to.

As I initially said in my first post (maybe it was the second... okay I just check and it turned out to be my seventh post, I really have been gone awhile) I think that anytime we write something it is because we want someone to someday read what we wrote, some part of us wants desperately to expose our deepest most intimate parts to the whole of another or many others, otherwise we would be too afraid to commit those closely gaurded areas of our lives to paper. Well, I am certainly not afraid to write. I think that one of the main reasons that I haven't been back to write on this in a while is because I was and still am unsure of what kind of readership I am getting. I would love to see someone post sometime in response to what I have to say. Don't let me live in my own egomainia assuming that all my thoughts are true and final. I need to be contradicted, I need to learn, otherwise how will I ever reach the day when I truely am right about everything? Ha, Ha, Ha!

Here is a little follow up, several posts back (Im not going to bother guessing how many this time) I mentioned an all night prayer and worship thing. Well it is going to happen tomorrow. It is so cool, I can't wait for it to get started. Also, just the other day my band, Corban, got its first website up in time for our first show on April 30th.

For now I am leaving, but I will promise to write more if you promise to read more. Deal? Deal.

...why am I not satisfied with that response?...

-Art